Life never stops!
When I lost my mom in April 2005, I thought I had lost everything in my life. I was angry with God, the world and everything around me. It was not something we deserved! My mother - like all mothers was the epitome of love and affection. I had never seen her get upset or lost -- she seems to have all the answers to our probs. She was my strength and inspiration and I couldn't accept her fading away -- 'just' like that.
Oh! man she had just started enjoying life after bringing up 2 children & she was all of 55! More than me - I was crying worried for my kid brother & Papa. She was the world to them. How would my dad carry on alone in the prime of his age? I was married & had a family to look forward to; my bro would also get married eventually; but my dad would be alone for the rest of his life. Then my grandparents - my mother's parent above the age of 88 yrs... did they deserve this?!
When it seemed impossible to get on with life, hope came knocking on our door. Exactly after a month, my mother transcended into the other realm, I discovered to my disbelief that I was pregnant! I was going to be a mom. My joy knew no bound!
The biggest happiness was the ray of hope I saw in my father’s eyes. The eyes that had dried tears, now gleamed with tears of joy. My baby was a celestial gift - a rainbow after the storm!
Though I had a healthy pregnancy, yet the emotional vacuum made me skeptical. I couldn't deal with my sorrow and joy at the same time. I had not cried enough neither could I be happy enough. It was most trying time of my life. If not for my family I would have collapsed.
Jan 5 2006, when I heard the first cry of my baby girl. I was overwhelmed - I felt complete. Did my mother feel the same when she held me for the first time? I will never know ....
I miss my mom every second of my life! There are times when I want to share my joys, sorrows and the little things that I feel when I see my daughter's pranks. I want to share notes with her on my childhood and that of my daughter. Sometimes, when I can't figure out how to deal with my daughter, I close my eyes and try & visualize how my mom would have handled me -- and voila! I have the perfect recipe.
As I write this -- today is my parent's wedding anniversary. She would have wanted us to be happy – so we are trying very hard. She lives in our heart and I'm sure she is back with us as KUHU – our little angel!
Life has many commas and 'if & buts', but only one full stop!
Feb 23, 2006
Delhi
1 comment:
I miss mausi too and believe that she watches over us every single day.
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